Tell me about Batman
by blueblackangel
Summary: Before making his big debut with Batman, Joker gets some advice from a Batman veteran...None other than the Scarecrow himself. Takes place in the beginning of TDK. No slash.


Summary: Before the Joker makes his big debut with Batman, he gets a little advice from a Batman veteran.

Disclaimer: Honestly, do I need this up anymore?

Tell Me about Batman

"The, uh, the makeup…it's, uh, for work…"

"For work?" asked Gordon, completely skeptical. They were all standing in Gotham prison.

"Yeah."

Flass cut in, "Something tells me I don't want to know. Just go in, I'll go get the guard and get him ready."

The Joker smiled, feeling his scars slightly pull. "Thank you, gentlemen."

"No problem," said Flass. Gordon looked like he wanted to say something, but Flass waved his hand and interrupted anything he wanted to say. "Just through this door," said Flass.

The Joker nodded and went through cold, concrete door. The room was dark, and the Joker smelled a twinge of mold in the air. There was a single light, bright enough to illuminate the table, two chairs against the wall and the other door at the other end of the room. The Joker was sure that the prisoner would be brought through that door. The Joker closed the door behind him, feeling quite certain that he left both policemen with queasy feelings. Just as he smirked at the thought, a loud banging was heard from the other side of the door.

"Get in! Get in, you freak!" shouted a new voice. The Joker supposed it was a disgruntled guard. "Why don't you go faster?" The door opened.

"I 'go' at my own time," said another voice, calmly. This one, the Joker thought, must be the prisoner. Soon, the light illuminated two shadows, one large shadow pushing a smaller one. Then, the Joker saw the prisoner, in a straitjacket, being roughly shoved and pushed by an angry guard. The guard then grabbed the prisoner, once completely in the room, and forced him against the wall. The prisoner put on a sick, twisted smile in response to the rough treatment.

'_Looks like we're going to get along nicely…hehehe,'_ mused the Joker. The guard punched the prisoner in the gut who nearly doubled over, but maintained eye contact.

"You really got to get more control over your emotions," panted the prisoner, "People will think you've gone mad."

The guard grabbed the prisoner's dark, dirty hair and twisted it until he almost pulled it out. The prisoner grimaced this time, but managed to get out, "Temper, temper, temper."

"Crane, you better shut it."

"On the contrary, you said there was a visitor for me and seeing a visitor usually involves talking," said Crane.

Seeing the guard's infuriated glare, the Joker spoke up, "In the interest of the prisoner still having a working a jaw while we chat, I vote that you hold off beating him until I leave. Then you can do whatever you want." He licked his lip waiting for their response. Crane showed only the slightest signs of relief, and the guard won over by the logic and the fact that he faces criminal charges if the abuse was known, let go of Crane, walked him to the table and forced him to sit down. The Joker found the way to the table on his own and sat down.

The guard did not want to relent that quickly. He grabbed Crane's hair and banged his head against the wall. Crane obviously didn't expect the hit the head, and he certainly didn't expect the guard to repeat the same move, except this time, the guard held Crane's head against the wall, crushing the side of his glasses in his face.

"Behave nicely for the visitor," hissed the guard. He threw Crane's head on the table and looked to the Joker, "Feel free to…you know." He gestured to the slumped over Crane. The Joker smiled and to the Joker's surprise, the guard left.

The Joker turned to Crane, "He's gone…the guard…"

Crane inhaled slowly and looked at the Joker for the first time. He was bleeding from where the glasses rammed (and still stuck) in his head. He looked carefully at the Joker and finally said, "If you gently take off the glasses and put them in place, I won't ask about the makeup and where you're from."

The Joker's eyes widened at hearing the deal. It was pretty good deal, he had to admit. He licked his lips as he reached over and gently removed the glasses. Crane visibly relaxed after the Joker put the glasses on in the right place.

"Thanks," muttered Crane.

"So," asked the Joker, licking his lips, "What's that guard got against you?"

Crane sighed and answered, "His uncle is a resident at Arkham. He thinks I used my fear toxin on him."

"Did you?"

"Does it matter? It's a lose-lose situation. If I say no, then he'll think I'm lying and hit me harder. If I say yes, then he will still hit me harder. It's hard to prove, too. His uncle is a schizophrenic. They usually have frightening hallucinations, anyway."

"I see," said the Joker, tapping his fingers on the tables and moving some stray hair out his face. Crane watched enviously from his position in the straitjacket.

"So," said Crane, "Who are you?"

"People call me…the Joker."

"With luck, I won't have to see you at Arkham," muttered Crane, then a bit louder he said, "Obviously you know who I am. What do you want?"

"You don't want to see me at Arkham, doc?" said the Joker with a smile.

Crane smirked. "Sorry. I consider this…a welcome break from the crazies."

"I thought you used them as test subjects for your toxin."

"Not all of them. Besides I test more normal people than actual patients."

"Why?"

Crane sighed, but answered, "Mental patients already have a difficult time differentiating reality from illusion and delusion. But normal patients, they're not used to it...they're even more frightened…But enough about me. What do you want?"

The Joker shook his head. "I don't get it, doc. You want to get this over with, so you can go back to that guard who wants to beat you?"

"I just want to know why I'm here," coolly replied Crane.

"Is that so?" said the Joker, licking his lips.

Crane, slightly annoyed by the delay for an answer, said coldly, "That's an interesting habit you have there. Licking your lips. You probably lick your scars when you don't have the makeup on."

The Joker pulled out a knife hidden his sleeve and held it inside Crane's mouth and against his lips. Crane smirked as much as he could without cutting himself. "You want to know why I'm here? You're probably curious about the scars, too, aren't you doc?"

"Why are you here?"

The Joker smiled a horribly hideous smile, and just as he was about to make his request, both heard sounds of police and Crane recognized a few lawyers' voices.

With the knife still in Crane's mouth, the Joker quickly demanded, "Tell me about Batman."

"The Batman?" Crane almost laughed, but the knife prevented that. "He's the reason why I'm here."

"Crane…" growled the Joker, "I'm about to make my big debut with Batsy."

"He-he's subtle but quite obvious in his entrances," breathed Crane, "He's not the police…no laws in place will stop him…" Crane paused. "He's got lots of interesting gadgets."

"So," grinned the Joker, relaxing the knife in Crane's mouth, "Batsy likes his toys."

Crane nodded in agreement. He started again, his words barely more than a breath, "He only comes out at night. He disguises his voice, suggesting his has identity problems, and his mask makes it nearly impossible to see who it is. However, he's morally good. I can see that he thinks himself as a hero of sorts for Gotham City, some sort of Dark Knight, if you will." Crane paused to swallow, and continued, "Plenty of gadgets. He must have plenty of connections with people, especially in high places. Those gadgets aren't exactly cheap…He's very strong, very stealthy. Remember those ninjas from the League of Shadows?" The Joker nodded, still holding the knife in Crane's mouth. "It's similar to that. He knows many different fighting styles. And, most importantly, while he acts more than man most of the time…never forget he's an ordinary man underneath, with fears just like everyone else." Crane smiled (as much as the knife would let him) at the memory of watching Batman fall apart due to his fear toxin. "Well, he's not ordinary. I would love to see him at the Asylum…"

"So, you want to see Batsy, but you don't want to see me? Doc, I'm hurt," said the Joker with a heavy hint of sarcasm.

"They're coming," said Crane suddenly. The Joker carelessly jerked the knife out of Crane's mouth, giving him a slight cut.

"Well, doc," said the Joker quickly, now hearing what Crane must have heard, increasingly loud footsteps, "I have to admit that I wasn't expecting all that. I'm man enough to admit it. You must have some issues with the Bat."

Crane broke eye contact. "He's the reason why I'm here. That and his friend Ms.-"

Just then, Gordon and Crane's guard loudly entered the room. Gordon's eyes swept the room, and after seeing that both the Joker and Crane appeared unharmed, he turned to the guard.

"You idiot! How could you leave them alone? Anything could have happened!"

"Look, Gordon, nothing happened. I told you I dropped my pager when I was getting Crane out his cell."

Gordon glared at him and then turned to the Joker and Crane. "Are you two alright?"

"You're asking me?" asked Crane, "Now _I_ personally think we should talk about you and, especially Mr. Red."

"Mr. Red?" whispered the Joker.

"The guard."

"Crane, I'm only telling you once, shut it."

"Very specific and yet at the same time, horribly vague. Could you clarify?"

"You know, this is the technique you use on your _former_ patients-"

"Of course, of course. _You_ would know." Crane smirked. The Joker, meanwhile, patiently watched the power struggle between the guard and the prisoner. "You visited you dear old uncle a grand total of zero times." Crane laughed. "Mr. Red, you have a twisted sense of justice."

"Dr. Crane," said Gordon, with a voice of reason, "Do you need to go into solitary confinement again?"

Crane hesitated, but Red immediately filled in for him, "Yes, Gordon. He's talking nonsense."

"Put him in Arkham," suggested the Joker. Upon hearing that suggestion, Crane aimed the coldest, most loathsome glare he could muster at the Joker, and he had to admit, those blue eyes worked wonders when the doctor used them correctly.

"To terrorize his former patients?" said Red, "No, he's much better here."

Gordon, seeing that nothing worthwhile would come out of this argument, spoke to the Joker, "Um, sir, you may show yourself out. Now."

"You got it, chief." The Joker turned to Crane, "Good luck dealing with 'justice.'"

Crane smirked, "Good luck with your 'debut;' make me proud." He added in a much softer, deadlier voice, "Make him squirm."

"You got it, Scarecrow." The Joker smiled, but his scars gave the usually kind gesture a twisted, terrible aura. Crane smirked in return. The Joker felt Crane's unwavering gaze as walked out the door, and heard Gordon say to Red, "We're going to assign you somewhere else, for both your safety."

Gordon left Crane and Red, followed the Joker to the prison exit and stopped him. "What did he mean by debut?"

"All in good time," answered the Joker. Thinking about his debut with Batsy made him laugh.

And that sent chills up Gordon's spine.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

_Author's Comments: Yeah, that's it. Sorry it got weird at the end with Crane and his guard. It was supposed to have a sequel in which Red abused Crane to the point of hospitalization and near PTSD (posttraumatic stress disorder), but I doubt I'll write that. So, in case that part wasn't clear (which it probably wasn't) let me explain: Yes, Red does have an uncle at Arkham. Crane was right in saying that Red never visited and that Red had a twisted idea of justice. Red, although angry at the possibility of his uncle being gassed, wanted to bring Crane to" justice." Yes, Red is a corrupt cop/prison guard._

_If you have any other questions, just PM or better yet…__**REVIEW!**__ Please tell me what you think about this._


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